What are the two most important things you can do to protect yourself and your family in the event of an imminent nuclear attack? Wear your mask and practice social distancing, says the Federal Emergency Management Agency.

Following reports this week that Russian dictator Vladimir Putin had put his nuclear deterrent forces on high alert, FEMA updated its ready.gov website to include some additional COVID-19 guidance.

“If you are told by authorities to evacuate to a public shelter, try to bring items that can help protect yourself and your family from COVID-19, such as hand sanitizer that contains at least 60 percent alcohol, cleaning materials, and two masks per person,” FEMA said.

“When you have reached a safe place, try to maintain a distance of at least six feet between yourself and people who are not part of your household,” the agency continued. “If possible, wear a mask if you’re sheltering with people who are not a part of your household.”

FEMA also noted that some shelter locations might not be available to the public anymore because of the pandemic, which is encouraging.

Once the bombs hit, people should plan to stay inside for at least 24 hours, FEMA added, and wear their masks for the duration of this period. If someone is injured during the attack, people should contact medical emergency personnel (granted that they, too, were fortunate enough to survive a nuclear explosion), but only after making sure no one in their immediate group has COVID-19.

FEMA ended its apocalyptic guide with a helpful reminder: “Talk to someone if you are feeling upset. Many people may already feel fear and anxiety about COVID-19. The threat of a nuclear explosion can add additional stress.”

Suffice to say, I doubt the federal government is going to be much help in the off-chance that Putin does decide to attack. Our bungling bureaucrats can’t even get their priorities straight.